Tuesday, February 28, 2012

To Be Completely Honest...

If I were to be completely honest, I admit that being a stay at home mom is not everything I thought it was cracked up to be:

-Daily, I feel that my two small children are trying to destroy my soul. I'm not THAT strong, and yet it seems to be their mission in life to find my weak points and make me crack.

- I remember that first time I heard the word "Mom" come from my sweet baby boy's mouth. Now, if I hear it one more time, I might actually have to be admitted into a mental ward. Our record? Forty seven times in a one minute period. Seriously?

- I can't remember the last time I showered without someone peeping at me, asking where his crayons are, or if he can  PLEASE watch "Jake & the Neverland Pirates." I miss the good old days of privacy.

- Add to the last one going to the bathroom alone. Apparently I'm supposed to only be in there for a second & a half before my allotted time is up. My bad.

- I LOVE (sarcastic font) asking my boys what they want for breakfast, lunch, & dinner, making it for them, and then having them change their minds 3 seconds after serving it to them.

- I never knew that being a mom meant being a referee. Not only do I get to break up fights, I also have to judge a winner. Did I miss the prerequisite course for this?

- My body is not my own. I am a jungle gym, slide, and bean bag. And I feel old.

- I somehow acquired the job of "activities coordinator". I am not qualified for this.

- Whining has become my new nemesis.

- As ashamed as I am to admit it, I let my boys watch way too much t.v. because it's easier. It's either that or I lose my mind.

-It is without fail that my kids will have nothing to say until I get on the phone. Then, all of a sudden, I become necessary.

- I live and breathe for nap time. And I feel really bad about that. Honestly.

- If my child asks me to read him a bedtime story, I usually pick the shortest one and skip over parts. I'm screwed when he actually learns to read.

- I am now addicted to coffee. It's how I survive. Please don't judge.

- I have too many more to list, so maybe they should wait for another day. It's nap time right now, & my brain is starting to shut down. I have just enough energy to stare at the wall and prepare myself for the second half of the day.

Please don't get me wrong. I love my children more than anything in the world. They are such a blessing, and I would give my life for them. But at the same time...I think they are secretly conspiring to murder me. I could be wrong....

Princess Power

I have a mild new addiction. One which has left my children watching way too many episodes of "Bubble Guppies", while I get my morning fix. I blame estrogen, Disney movies, living with three boys and the princess crown I insisted on wearing through much of my childhood. I'm addicted....to Fairy Tales.

I accidentally caught part of an episode of "Once Upon a Time" and have been hooked ever since. I want to be Snow White, Cinderella, Belle, and any other princess that gets to have a Prince Charming and a puffy dress.

In my distraction, my children have: flushed a toy down the toilet, taken down a curtain (I didn't even know they were capable), emptied a container of Nestle chocolate  powder on my living room floor, left Buzz Lightyear in the cats litterbox (super yum), and rearranged my closet.

I thought women were supposed to be able to multitask, but the only multitasking I have accomplished is watching the show while dreaming of being a princess at the same time.  On the Dork-o-Meter, I score a perfect 10 in the 20-30 age group. I'm pretty confident though that 3-7 year old girls think I'm cool.

And now excuse me while I get back to fantasizing about magic mice cleaning the chocolate powder out of my rug.